Tuesday, August 20, 2013

They're Going to Put Me in the Movies...

...they're going to make a big star out of me!

My grandma has had a BUSY week while she's been in the hospital. I'm not sure what kind of hospital she was in but whatever they were dispensing...I want some!!

Seems grandma starred in a movie while she was in the hospital. A film crew came in and did her hair and make-up. We don't know the name of the movie or what it is about...we just have to watch for her. We'll know it when we see it.


The people across the hall were quite jealous of grandma. They threw a HUGE party with balloons and flowers and lots and lots of food. They raised quite the ruckus and never even once invited her to join the fun. The crazy people were laughing and pointing and making fun of grandma the whole time while she laid in bed. They disrupted the WHOLE floor.

The nerve of SOME people. LOL

Supposedly, she NEVER left the bed. She never got up and walked. Never used the walker to walk down the hallway. Never left her room.

uh huh. right. <snicker>

The hospital was bombed. There was a loud explosion at 4am one morning. People were running and screaming. Grandma's room was the only room not damaged. She had to get out of the bed and take cover. (and she did!) Thank goodness they had set the bed alarm on her!

They gave grandma some good $#it!

For some reason, the nurses put grandma's TV and pictures on the floor. Grandma (who never left her bed) had to stand up to watch the TV that was lying on the floor. My mom only laid on the floor – she never sat in a chair. My aunt always walked on the slanted floor – like at a funhouse.

But as grandma was coming off the Morphine, Dilaudid, Vicodin, and other assorted narcos, she saw goblins hanging from her ceiling. Hundreds of goblins hanging by their toes looking down at grandma and laughing.

Grandma was a trip!!

Don't even try telling her none of this happen. IT DID HAPPEN!! She is NOT crazy.

uh huh. right. <snicker>

I will say this...Her doctor was not aware of how differently elderly patients react to narcotic pain medicine. They usually react totally the opposite than expected. Add on top of that hospital psychosis which is common in confined elderly patients and you've got a 95-year-old grandma who is looped out of her gourd!! The doc wanted to argue with us. He lost. He sucked.

Grandma is doing better. We got her out of the hospital and she's getting detoxed with lots of bacon and fried eggs. She's happy.

Now...someone give US some pain meds!!
...or lots of alcohol!!

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