Monday, March 18, 2013

Weekend is Over! Amen!

It was a busy weekend! I had a plan BUT we all know how plans work with grandma. Not well.

MY plan was to take her grocery shopping and any errands she might have on Saturday. That didn't happen. Seems grandma had OTHER not telling me she had company coming over. Company was her grandson and great-grandson. Nice! :)  I'll text him and get HIM to take her to the grocery store. No doing. She won't budge. Says she'll get my mom or my son to take her next week. THAT'S NOT THE PLAN!! They can't do EVERYTHING!! This fouls up MY plans!

::head desk::

I tried to plan Sunday. HA!

Grandma wants to go to our old church where all her old friends are still going. OK. This is good. I find out that services start at 10:30 (classes at 9:30). She only wants to go to services. Not a problem. She lives 15 minutes away so I tell her I'll pick her up at 10:00 to get us there in time and not be rushed.

g: "I don't want to get there too early. I don't want to go to class."
m: "Yes, services start at 10:30. I'll pick you up at 10:00."
g: "You're sure that's not when class starts."
m: "Yes, grandmother. Be ready at 10:00. It will take me 5-10 minutes to get you in the car."
g:  "I move faster than that."
m: "Maybe I don't. We'll go to the grocery store after church."
g: "I don't need anything."
m: "Do you have milk? orange juice? bread? fruit?"
g: "No, but I get lunch here."
m: "What are you doing for breakfast and supper?"
g: "Oh. I'm not hungry."
m: "I'll pick you up at 10 tomorrow morning. See you then."

just shoot me now.

Sunday rolls around. I get there at 10:00 sharp. She's ready. We leave her place at 10:06...after locking the door and fixing the car seat and refixing the car seat. (it was too far back. it was too far forward.) We got to church at 10:20. ALMOST too early!!

EVERYONE was sooooooo surprised to see grandma!! It's probably been 20 years since she's been back to the church we grew up in. They hugged the stuffing out of her. She was queen again. Church was late getting started because of everyone saying "hello" and hugging her. They mentioned her being there during the announcements, during the song service, during the sermon and during the closing prayer. AMEN! Yes, the woman is here! Hide your children!!

ENOUGH! I just got her head back down to normal size!!

Of course, they wanted to take her out to eat after church. It's a ritual. Church. Lunch. Nap. shopping, grandma? Pick for a week or lunch for a day. Can you guess which one won? yep. right. Lunch. not MY plan.

Lunch was with a family from years ago. They have a daughter my age that was there so we got to catch up while grandma chatted up a storm at the other end of the table and freely telling them "It's sad. She [me] hasn't dated since her divorce 14 years ago." EXCUSE ME!? HELLO! I'm sitting right here!! I AM dating!! ooops. Me and my mouth.

No sooner than we get in the car, grandma starts in with the twenty questions.
"So tell me more about this man. We lose one and gain one." (my cousin is separating)

Let me divert the conversation to them!! PLEASE! No luck. :(

"Who is this guy you're dating"
"What's he do?"
"What's his name?"
"Where does he live?"
"How old is he?"
"How long has this been going on?"
"How long has he been divorced?"
"Does he have kids? grandkids?"
"When do you see him?"

Finally, I find an opportunity to work in scheduling and plans AND change the subject. I tried to explain to her when she doesn't stick to the PLAN, it screws up MY plans. When I asked her if she understood and if we could stick to the arranged schedule from now on...her response was... "Maybe, we'll see."

Then she tells me not to do anything stupid. HUH!?

Five minutes after I drop grandma off at her apartment she's calling my mom...Did you know?!


God help me and give me the strength to deal with the insanity!!


  1. So ... who is he and what does he do? mwahahahaha

    1. Alright, grandma...she's gotta a sleeper sofa you can stay on!!! :P